Excuse me, but your brain is leaking

FUCKIN! Work is really pissing me off at the moment! Alisons fucked everyones pays and hasnt been taxing them. So everyone owes like 2000 dollars in tax cos of her. Well except me cos i havent been there that long, she didn't do mine either so she took it out of my pay yesterday. 3 weeks of tax in one pay. That fucked me up pretty bad, i cant afford to do anything!

I was talking to ted and he's just about ready to leave, and if he leaves i gotta to, cos i'm under hit licences and shit. He's pissed off (and i would be too) cos he applied for holidays 2 weeks ago cos he needs to lower his stress levels, and he needs a good stress free break. So he told simon and he was all cool with it. No problems there. Then yesterday (2 weeks after he told simon) alison goes up to ted and says he cant have his holidays, and that he has to have them in the school holidays. And she said that simon wont be able to handle it with just me and him. But ted managed without me and simon for 2 weeks while the paper work for me to start work there was being finalised.

So she told him no holidays, and he told her that he doens't care what she says, if it means, when he goes on holidays, he doesn't have a job to come back to, he'll risk it cos his health is more important. So shes pissed off at that. And shes pissed off cos everyone hates her at the moment. And shes made so many mistakes that she cant catch back up. So shes basically fucked everything! Ted said that he wouldn't be surprised if erin leaves, cos apparently alison is dumping alot of stuff onto her. And if erin leaves the whole business is fucked! Plus shes really nice and a fuckin good worker. So if the company goes under cos of that dumb bitch alison, then we're all out of a job, and i wouldn't mind betting that simon would just leave.

I've already seen a few times where he's almost done it. She just abuses him so badly and he doens't stand up to her. Man shes a bitch. Its gotten to the point where ted and i avoid going back to the office so we dont have to put up with her shit. She'll try and start a fight for no reason, and i know if she tries to start one with me i'll fuckin give her a fight. I dont care if it costs me my job there. Cos technically i dont work for them, i work for a different company that manages me, and i'm like, rented to them. So if i quit or get fired from there, they'll put me in a different company.

They've been through so many techs at that place its not funny. I think ted said it was 5 in 7 years or something. And they all left cos of her! The last one left cos he didn't feel comfortable working in an office thats doubled as a daycare centre. And i agree with him, those kids are going to get hurt one day there, and it'll be everyones fault but alisons.

Ugh, thats all i can talk about work for now, it just makes me so mad thinking about it.

In other news... i'm thinking of buying a motorbike to get to and from work. A Kawasaki ZZ-R 250. Cos 250 is the highest cc-age you can have on a learners licence. So that would rock if i could get a motorbike. It would be easier on everyone. Its so cool, look it up if you wanna see one. I have a pic but i'm to lazy to post it. Maybe later. haha

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Lost Sense of Self

What the fuck is going on with me?! I feel lost, forgotten, and all that junk. I dont know who i am, why i am. Nothing. Sounds all freaky deaky, but i just dont feel like i am me anymore. I've become something else.

I feel alone, but i guess everyone is alone in one way or another. I've been alone for a long time, but never like this. I miss who i was, how things used to be. I miss my friends, and the one i love.

But thats all in the past, and unless i can make a time machine or something, i cant change it. Things are how they are, because thats just how it goes.

People lie, and people get hurt. People die, and people get hurt. People fall in love, and people get hurt. So the only way not to get hurt is to be alone...? But being alone hurts. So, does that make the meaning of life pain? To get hurt at the end of every road. To experience unbelievable highs, and crippling lows. Thats how life is, and i'm sick of being hurt all the time.

No matter who it is, everyone lies. Even the people you hold dear... and i've learnt that over and over. Theres nothing i can do about it.

I'm not going to talk about my heart being broken, or anything like that. Things happen, people make them happen. But the reason i feel so alone and lost, is because of things i've done. Or rather... things i havent done. Things i didn't say, and things i should have said. Dwelling on the past isn't healthy, but thats all i can see. I dont know anything of the future, to be honest i cant see anything beyond tomorrow. But i do know the past, the past and memories are all i have. So thats what i hold on to for grim life.

...grim life.

Strange

Its weird, for someone who doesn't listen to alot of music. I tend to attach memories to songs.

Like, The Reason by Hoobastank... that will always be a memory that makes me smile.
So I Need You by 3 doors down reminds me of when i was living with my aunty, i had a caravan in the backyard that was my domain. I had so many friends back then. The best friends i'd ever had.

Funny how things change over time. I guess you can really see who your real friends are after a certain amount of time eh?

Mattafoo and Azza are my oldest friends, and i've only known them for about 4 years or someshit. But they're still 2 of the best friends i've ever had.

Memories of when i was back at the senior college, some hurt and some make me laugh so hard. I loved my time there, i really did. First time i actually liked going to school. Because it didn't feel like school. I've never met so many great people in one place... but then again, at the same time i've never lost so many friends afterwards. I cant really blame anyone but myself really. But i'm glad i still got Mattafoo and Azza.

I have 1 other friend, a very special friend, who i love more than anything (its a girl you dickwads). So after 20 years of life, it all boils down to 3 friends. All of which live far away from me now. In this town i have no one. People at work, i wouldn't count as friends. They're just people i work with. I'm grateful for the friends i have, i really am. I wouldn't trade them in for the world. Even though its been so long since i've spoken to and seen them, they still rock!

So to my friends i say this, You're one of a kind, you're the best people i've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and i'll always remember the laughin' spot!

bleh?

Oh god this week was hell, got off to a bad start and finished all fucked up and stuff. When i left today everyone was pissed off except ted. Marilyn was being really mean for some reason, she lectured me of keeping the workshop door closed, and not taking to simon in the mornings.

I think its just cos we're so busy. I rebuilt a document feeder today, and i mean, fully rebuilt. I replaced basically everything that was worn or old. A few things we didn't have in stock to replace it with, so i found some 2nd hand ones that were pretty ok looking and used them.

I picked up my ipod yesterday, its pretty cool. I used it basically all day today, cos i was in the workshop... well outside anyway. The workshop is packed with crap and simon wont take away and shit. So i just took the machine outside and worked on it. I cleaned up a few, and the chemicals made me pretty sick for the rest of the day. It was fucked.

I got some dvds yesterday, i've watched them all now, hehe. I'll post a pic of all the stuff i've got, you can see my lappy in it tooooo.

Mums gone away for the weekend, so i'm looking after the puppies. Erin took me home this afternoon cos she lives around here some place. I dunno. I was gunna take a taxi, but marilyn told erin i was staying at mums and she said she'd take me. It was nice of her, but i would have been find with the taxi.

I'm not looking forward to next week, not one bit.

Anyway, heres the pic i took
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v521/testablewalnut/IMGP1124.jpg

Its my lappy with all the cool stuff i got myself cos i needed comforting... thats my excuse anyway, and i'm sticking to it!

Right now i'm listening to my ipod, i love it. Its so cool. It has games and stuff on it, which is pretty cool. And it's basically been on all day and the battery isn't even half down.

I'll be getting to bed pretty early tonight i think. I'm so drained.

Was I fast enough, or did my reputation preceed me?

Man... i just worked out, i work 8 to 5 every day, monday to friday. Thats like 50 hours a week or some shit. No wonder i'm so damn tired!

Work today wasn't to bad, i didn't go out on calls with ted today. I stayed in the office and started to clean the workshop out. But around 3:30 i started to get head spins and a really bad headache. All that toner and developer got into me and made me pretty sick. So from 3 to 5 pretty much i had to sit there and try not to move my head.

Other then that, work was cool. I got to talk to Marilyn and erin more, they're pretty cool. My walk home was a long slow one cos my my head ache, but by the time i was half way it started to go so i got out my cd player and listened to music.

My iPod should arrive tomorrow... and if it doesn't, heads will roll my friends, heads will roll. But it wont matter much, cos i could pick it up on thursday i guess. But my wallets at mums still and she doesn't know where it is. So i cant do shit untill i can go there and get it, but that wont be untill the weekend. Fucking piss me off mate. I'll call her in the morning and get her to bring it over. Cos i get paid tomorrow, and i need food =P.

Anyway, i better scoot, i need sleep and all. See yaaaaaaaa

Wellity Wellity Wellity.......

Fuck man... work was so shit today. Both Ted and I were pissed off all day. For different reasons ofcourse... but still, it made stuff harder. I didn't even leave the office untill 5:30. Allison was cool enough to give me a lift home. It was 15 degrees outside, so it wouldn't have been a fucking cold walk!

On saturday mum and i went out and i ordered my iPod, i got a new home phone, and some work clothes... and... Oh Season 1 of Futurama. So i should get my iPod tomorrow or wednesday! YAY!! The dude said that as soon as they get them in, that very day they're sold out. So i had to order one. So on wednesday, i'll have 1450 dollars. And only about 300 of which is for bills and rent. *grins*.

My iPod took up 300 and my phone was 100. Its cordless and everything. Its pretty cool. I havent used it yet, no one loves me enough to call *sad*.

So yeah, thursday latenight shopping will be fun for me!! Whooo! I think i'll buy some new casual clothes.

I gotta make an appointment for centrelink, so yeah. They want me to look for work... but i have a job... dickheads.

I gotta replace my mouse then too. This one i have, everytime i move the cord, or even move the laptop it turns off the mouse and stuff.

I'll get a wireless one, hehe. Wiiiiiiireless..... *droool*

Some hard choices...

I've had to make a few of these over the last week. Some mightn't seem hard to you, but they were to me.

I had to choose what kinda tax i wanted with my pay, i chose high tax so its like forced saving.
I had to choose what to do with the money dad gave me, its not as easy as it seems... trust me.
I had to choose whetheri should be friends with someone i've known for almost 5 years. That was the hardest one... i wont go into it.
I had to choose whether or not i will keep this job, thats a no brainer though, but still hard.
I had to choose whether to totally give up WoW. Seems like a no brainer, but i have a level 53 rogue damn it, thats like a full month wasted if i stop.

Those things mightn't seem like much to you guys, but they're things in my life at the moment that i seriously needed to sort out. Especially the third one, i spent almost all week trying to decide that one.

Right now i'm waiting for mum, shes comming over so i can go shopping. I cant get at the money dad gave me, cos i dont have my key card yet. So mums paying for everything today, and i'll give her the moneys back when i get the card and stuff.

I'm gunna have to buy new clothes, not just work stuff, but normal clothes. I might grab some more cargos and some shirts. Thats really all i need.

When the card comes, i'm gunna grab some accessories for my ipod. I'm still trying to decide whether i want a mini or a 20 gig one. Its a toughie. We'll see how i go.

The mini is 350 for the 6 gig one that i want. And the 20 gig is 499. The mini is small, and cheaper. It looks cool, cos of the colours and stuff. BUT the normal 20gig ipod comes with a colour screen, and it can have photos and music on it. So yeah... i'm SO tempted to get the 20gig one. Or i could just go all out and buy the black one... bwahaha

My first week of work went pretty ok i guess... except that little mishap. But we wont talk about that... heh heh. Next week will be busy cos ted is going away the following week for some crap. So we gotta get alot done before he goes.

Thats basically all i guess... pretty much. Bored, annoyed.. you know the usual stuff. And i swear if i hear this FUCKING song one more time i'm going to commit mass genocide... i'll do it...